Compromise

Give and take.  What day passes in life lived in social contact that we do not need to compromise.  Naturally, we want what WE want and others want, just as deeply, what THEY want.  I’m wondering how it all works out sometimes.  The necessity of compromise abounds. 

The Collins English Dictionary Complete & Unabridged 10^th Edition 2009 at dictionary.com defines the noun compromise.

1.  settlement of a dispute by concessions on both or all sides

2.  the terms of such a settlement

3.  something midway between two or more different things

4.  an exposure of one’s good name, reputation, etc. to injury 

Also at dictionary.com, the 2010 Douglas Harper Online Etymology Dictionary added some background.  Compromise is from Middle French for “a joint promise to abide by an arbiter’s decision.”  The presence of an intermediary, an uninvolved third party perhaps, seems handy.   

This is the role (although one can hardly call me uninvolved) I often find myself in as a parent.  Three kids with unique personalities, goals, wants and needs come together on a daily basis attempting to play, work, eat, etc.  Often they cannot seem to share the same air without a fight or someone seeing the stick in their hand as the short end.  Teaching compromise is a daily duty that often melds into drudgery.  When do they learn to value compromise?  Is it a maturity issue?  Then I throw in moments of teaching when not to give in on your position.  Certainly there are times when no concessions can be made but often that means the goal may be lost.  Passions run high on emotional issues.  At some point I’m usually exhausted!   

Isn’t an arbiter what we try to make our conscious thoughts become when orchestrating settlement of a dispute by concessions on both or all sides?  It seems what we are called to do in the lack of a physical third party is allow that voice to come from ourselves so that we can find terms of settlement.  Concessions are the sticking point.  Where is the midway between two or more different things?  Can we find settlement among raging emotions?  Can we hear, consider, and find value in a position other than our own?   

In compromise everybody typically wants a similar outcome, the path is the dilemma.  Kids want to watch a television show or play a game or make a craft.  Couples want affection, financial stability, shared meals.  Families want to celebrate holidays and feel connected.  Business owners and employees want their companies to succeed and make profit.  Citizens want their county to flourish and prosper.    

Understanding our need for each other in the successful outcome sometimes gets lost.  There is no game if our potential opponent leaves.  There is no happy marriage if one spouse continually dominates.  Employees and business owners necessitate each other.  A country sometimes requires sacrifice from all sides to continue to thrive.  Compromise can feel trite in a five hundred word blog but the reality is complicated and essential.