Family

Kin folk are on my mind.  I just finished a beach trip with a thirty-five person pack of relatives happily sunning, swimming, crab-hunting, porch-sitting and eating together.  I returned home to the celebrations and challenges I find some families immersed in on Father’s Day. 

The first five entries for the noun family are listed as follows on dictionary.com.

1.  a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not
2.  a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for
3.  the children of one person or once couple collectively
4.  the spouse and children of one person
5.  all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor 

I ponder the phenomenon of family roles that don’t seem to change over the years.  In the south one’s parents are often held up as unquestioned authorities with “yes, sir” and “yes, ma’am” requisite childhood responses to their instructions that may continue as adult children attend family reunions or trips.  The negotiation of holiday celebrations mandating that everyone eat huge amounts of food with everyone even if that means driving from house to house like nomads feigning hunger so that no one is offended by meager consumption of mince meat pie or broccoli casserole.  What about the little brother who feels no respect from older siblings and continues to live in their assumed superiority?  Or the eldest daughter who is called upon to orchestrate and clean up?  Or the homosexual brother or sister who must pretend to be straight in order to be accepted?  Or a passive parent who doesn’t want to risk alienation from spoiled children by demanding some respect of their time and resources?  Can we be honest about ourselves in the context of family?  Are the roles chosen for us or do we choose them ourselves?  Sometimes family that is no genetic connection is best if the “descendants of a common progenitor” are destructive.   

First in my family I was a daughter.  Then I became a sister, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, an aunt.  With all these roles I wonder how I fit into family for the people who came into my life and created these functions for me.  We get no choice about the unit we are born to.  Rich, poor, rural, red-headed, religious, adopted, prone to anger, submissive as doormats, divorced or alcoholic or abusive, artistic, business-savvy, tall, plump – the options seem endless.  The emotions involved are deep, real, intense, and unyielding.  We love despite conflict.  We yearn despite disappointment.  We behave badly every now and then.  We offer ourselves unconditionally.  We share special songs and unique traditions, births and funerals.  We forgive and mend and patch because the people of our genetic heritage are who they are and we are who we are and when you put us all together around a turkey or a birthday cake we each find something to be thankful for.