Grown-up

I am totally not feeling like a kid.  This should not seem such a surprise to me since I have been alive over forty years.  But every now and then, like today, it sinks in that I am absolutely, no doubt, can’t deny it, a grown-up. 

Dictionary.com lists the following definition for the noun grown-up:  a mature, fully grown person; adult.

This definition is one of the shorter I have encountered and offers no nuances, no alternative meanings, just one plain and straightforward.  I do, however, aver there is some wiggle room in the adjective “mature” for certain.

How do I know that I am a grown-up?  I own shoes that I have had for over ten years (you know, the black heels for funerals and weddings) indicating my body is fully grown because they still fit.  I am a registered voter, a licensed drive, a parent of three children, married thirteen years, and an active member of two school communities.  I actually want to go to bed at 9:30.  I think a cup of coffee is a treat.  My taxes take way more than one page and one hour to complete.  I have a mortgage.  I drive a white minivan.  I know how much money is in my bank account and budget accordingly.  These are the facts folks and I embrace every one of them!

Being a grown-up is not a bad thing.  I still have toys albeit they are typically kitchen gadgets or fingernail accoutrements.  I totally love it when someone will play a card game of virtually any kind with me.  Hanging out with my friends is super fun.  Museums and parks continue to entice and amuse me.  A trip to the public library brings joy and unending discoveries. 

The part that sneaks up and gooses me is the one that gets tired, feels the responsibility of all the things that offer proof of my adultness.  I don’t want to be a kid.  Been there, done that, ya know?  But sometimes it seems like a little less fun to be mature and full grown, like maybe less is possible because so much has already happened and so many obligations promised?

         Fully Grown

         Big body holds the beating heart that has been

         bumpity bump pumping red blood since birth

         before even the world heard her scream.

         Big body bears tiny freckles formed during family

         frolics fra-la-la-ing from swing to slide singing

         songs of watermelon and sprinklers.

         Big body stretches palms to the sky showing blue

         veins voluminous vessels grown large with time

         providing prayer and packing lunches.

         Big Body still feels there is so much to learn even

         after becoming teacher, adult reacher for days

         ahead with the same sense of a child.